Sometimes the hardest thing to admit is what it is we truly desire, what we really care about, and what makes your heart sing. It can be like catching a butterfly.
It really seems like I’m chasing a butterfly sometimes!
There’s such a clatter of voices inside us: the need to be responsible, the need to plan, the need to cover expenses next month and the one after, even the need to get something from the grocery store!
Those voices silence desire.
But there’s such a fine line between creating our life and missing out on living.
Each day there’s something inside you that wants to stand up and be heard. How is your practice of honoring that?
Maybe it’s the voice of a loving, patient spouse; the voice of a budding artist; the voice of a great parent; the voice of a leader at work. It might even be the voice that wants to quit work altogether, and do something brand new!
We only falter when we lose track of that voice of authenticity, of true choice. Then we discount ourselves.
I know someone who's tried all her life to be a good worker. She sends her resume reliably, updates it carefully. She talks to friends about her desire to have a career.
She only sticks in jobs a little while. Sometimes she’ll make it six months, maybe eight months, but then she’ll find herself unemployed again.
For her it took a while, decades even, to hear the great generative voices inside, and to stand up for them.
She wanted so much to be a writer.
A writer?! Being a writer meant starving! It meant scrounging for paying work, always needing to practice writing, being anonymous and marginalized, going without. Who could make a life from that?
In the midst of those fears, she forgot: the universe collaborates with us when we are authentic and energetically congruent.
When we stand up to commit to what truly matters to us, and take the best action we know how, and persevere a little while, something new unfolds.
And when we act in fear life grinds to a frustrating halt.
My friend had to get vulnerable, had to admit her fear, had to admit the “insanity” of what she really desired. She had to stop discounting.
One night she even shouted on the phone about how terrified she was. All she wanted was a “honorable” job, something to be a contributor to - why couldn’t that just happen?
And then life opened up.
She got a trickle of freelance work, and some other jobs to make ends meet. She started to find the way to faith in abundance and moved away from fear of deprivation.
She started to see an old president’s words come to life: the only thing we have to fear is fear itself. She became less afraid. She took action.
Now that’s her practice. Owning what she really desires, not discounting and hiding it. And taking pragmatic outgoing action and life is so much sweeter and more mysterious as a result.
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