There is a you beyond anything that has ever happened to you

Uncategorized Apr 27, 2021



"Part of moving beyond the cage is the discovery that you are more than your abuse. There is a you separate from the abuse and separate from the abuser. There is a you beyond anything that has ever happened to you." 

“You are already kind, generous, grateful, and loving.”

 - Dr. Lisa Cooney



Escaping the Cage

 I’ve worked with innumerable survivors of abuse. My desire was simply to open them back up to life, a life even richer than they imagined.

 The Cage is my name for the confines of life where abuse survivors find themselves. The Cage is an aloneness, a sadness, a hopelessness, and it’s so elusive. It’s hard to even realize it’s there.

 Today, though, we’re talking about escaping it.

 And what’s outside of the Cage, by the way?

 My dear... that’s where you are.


The Great Beyond

 It’s a gradual process leaving the Cage - nobody heals overnight, nobody heals perfectly.

 But there are steps out.

 Creating After Abuse contains exercises that keep progress going. Here are a few examples.


  1. Remember the before: Become mindful of experience before abuse: It’s an eye-opening, spontaneous act to put early memories of life down on the page.
  2. Inventory what you want: Increasing attention on your hopes, dreams, and goals moves your life in their direction.
  3. Release judgments:  Survivors of abuse have a tendency to judge themselves harshly. What happens when we write those judgments down? You may be surprised.
  4. Lies:  It may surprise you that you already know some of the lies that drive your decisions. What if we learned something by writing those down?


The Nourishment of Awareness

 My clients remind me of the power of simple awareness.

 In the book I tell a couple of their stories. A dear man named Clive came to one of my events in Australia, for example. His story began tragically early, forming a long story of sexual abuse by a family member.

 Clive only told one person about that.

 Nonetheless, something inspired him to attend my event. He seemed to stagger up before the audience in a fog, unclear what else was possible, knowing only that he belonged there.

 We talked about his abuse experience, right in front of a live audience. And something miraculous happened.

 Clive began to move towards something new and authentic that day, towards what was exactly right for him. Awareness came in the form of simple words sharing what happened.


What’s Light and What’s Heavy?

 In this blog series we’ve gone into detail about the abuse experience. There’s a place for doing that.

 But there’s so much more in my book!

 I’ll part with a rule of thumb: what’s light is right.

 Think right now about heavy things and light things in your life.

 Do it now. What’s feeling its way into your life next?

 A decision? An inspiration? An ask for something?

 Let me encourage you to evaluate it simply.

 Is it light?

 Does it feel fun? Intuitive? Easy, even?

 Does it feel complicated? Time-consuming? Needful?

 Ask yourself now. And remember: light is right.

  CLICK HERE to learn more about Creating After Abuse.


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