Financial Abuse & Domestic Violence Go Hand In Hand By Dr. Lisa Cooney

Have you ever had a domestic partner say to you:

• “You’re not good with money. I’ll handle the finances.”
• “It’s your duty as my spouse to share all your money with me.”
• “I’ll put the bank accounts in my name to take care of us.”

If you have, I want you to know these are forms of financial abuse. I know it may be difficult to believe that your loved one is capable of this, and yet, these statements reflect an abusive and even bullying attitude. Financial abuse is a way the abuser gains power and control.

Financial abuse is any abuse involving money. If someone (an individual or an organization):

• Takes money from you
• Pressures you into giving them money
• Doesn’t allow you to have access to your own money
• Provides you with an “allowance” and controls the rest of the money
• Borrows from you and refuses to repay the loan
• Hides money and resources
• Sabotages your career and opportunities for earning more money
• Requires you to work in a family business without pay
• Forces you to sign something without explaining the full implications or allowing you to read the small print
• Charges for services you have not received or requested

It is financial abuse.

It might start off under the guise to help you through a stressful time. It might come across as kindness and concern. Yet it can quickly lead from subtle to overt forms of abuse that serve to limit your access to resources so you think you have to stay in the abusive relationship.

Financial abuse and domestic violence often go hand in hand. 98% of financial abuse cases occur alongside domestic abuse. Financial abuse is used to control access to resources. This is often the reason women report staying in situations of domestic violence: they don’t have money to pay for a bus ticket to get away; they don’t have money to take care of themselves let alone their children; they don’t have access to money – even money they’ve worked for.

If you grew up in a household filled with financial and/or domestic abuse, you may believe this is normal. I understand that. I grew up in a very abusive household myself. However, I’m here to tell you this is abusive. It may be “normal” to you because it’s familiar but this is an unhealthy relationship.

A healthy relationship includes choice and consent: each person gets to voice what does and does not work for them, with respect for themselves and each other. You always have the right to say, “No.” And even when you’re afraid to say, “No,” this doesn’t imply consent.

It may seem daunting to leave a relationship filled with financial and domestic abuse, especially when you love that person. However, there is support available to you: you do not have to navigate this territory on your own
.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline website is full of resources from identifying if what you’re experiencing is abuse to creating a safe exit plan: http://www.thehotline.org

They also have a toll free number to contact them:
1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)

Here is also a link to international resources in case you are not in America:
http://www.vachss.com/help_text/domestic_violence_intl.html

You can also contact a social worker in your area to determine the best resources available to you given your location and situation.

It IS possible to get free of an abusive situation and create a healthy life and relationship for yourself in the future. I have supported thousands of clients on the path of moving beyond abuse like this to living a life of choice and consent. It all starts with you reaching out and asking for support.