"There is a strange comfort in the confines of the cage, however much you desire to live beyond it." - Dr. Lisa Cooney
Last week we talked about the Cage.
It’s my name for what life looks like after somebody experiences abuse, and it’s a big part of Creating After Abuse.
In the Cage life looks limited, pessimistic. And it looks like it’ll always be that way. You morph your cellular functioning to accommodate the lies of your traumatic experience.
It also looks...kinda nice.
Wait, what?! Weird, isn’t it?
The Cage means not having a life though, and that means not having responsibility, not having big decisions. That’s much less work than a radically, orgasmically alive life!
It’s also much...
Creating After Abuse: My New Book Is Coming Soon!
"What if everything in your past was a post-traumatic growth possibility?" - Dr. Lisa Cooney
This month's blog posts are dedicated to Creating After Abuse, my forthcoming new book!
The book is divided into three parts:
- Locked in the Cage of Abuse
- Struggling in the Cage
- Escaping the Cage — Beyond Abuse & Living Radically Alive
I started writing the book to take you within the bars of my own Cage.
And what do I mean by the Cage?
When you suffer abuse life takes on new qualities afterwards, but they are invisible. Rules come out of nowhere, things are prohibited, don't go there, don't try that.
Abuse imposes confines on life afterwards, and the abuse survivor is the last to...
The strangest thing about abuse is that we don’t walk away from it.
It’s a pain to which we keep turning.
Years after abuse happens - even decades - it reappears in veiled form.
I’ll give you an example. People often ask me, “why do I abuse myself?”
Part of me wants to say, “Yeah! It’s the craziest thing!”
But this is the long lifespan of abuse. I speak from experience here, of course.
I thrive beyond my own abuse now, but it wasn’t always that way.
I spent decades perpetrating abuse I once received, in my body, in my business, in my spirit.
Family members once criticized my physical appearance, hit me, yelled. Later I had a fundamental belief in my own wrongness, my own badness, the personality of “I am damaged goods.”
What is Spread Your Wings?
Spread Your Wings with me!
Spread Your Wings gives you a look at the ROAR technique®.
In Spread Your Wings, I start by following the energy: I pick someone to demonstrate the ROAR technique®.
What happens next?
I help them break free from their cage.
Now what do I mean by cage?
I’m talking about the old beliefs, the old patterns, the stuckness. The pane of glass in our lives that is stopping us from continuing to develop.
How does ROAR work on that?
The Origins of ROAR
Much earlier in my life, I was driving in Northern California.
It was lovely outside, but I was enraged. I had just gone through a painful breakup.
I was so upset I had to pull over. I couldn’t go on without examining my feelings.
Where was it in me? I...
Choosing and Committing Are Everyday Things
One of Dr. Lisa’s students summed up the big realizations of change for her.
“Choosing is really in everything I do, every single moment of my life.” She realized the need to be more selective - to ask for what she needed, and what she wanted.
She went on, “I always loved to collaborate, and with these new aspects of choosing and committing, it makes everything about change more fun and much easier.”
Change - even BIG change - as a fun thing, that’s what Actualizing Your Asks can deliver.
The student added, “I never thought of myself as a very creative person - haha! Following through with my asks and with the guidance of Dr. Lisa, I saw there was a big change in my life. I came to realize that...
The Three-Day Body Class is a series of practices to get you out of your head, and into your lovely body.
What do people say about it?
Tomas, a young man from Argentina, was surprised to be partnered with someone at the start of the class.
“When you get to the class you know it was your choice,” says Tomas, “but who will be doing the giving and who will be doing the receiving...that’s a mystery.”
Dr. Lisa pairs each participant with someone who’s similar energetically - an act of spontaneous intuition that worked out wonderfully for Tomas’s experience at the event.
Tomas continues, “after that, you get three days of gentle activating of energies in your body, that will allow you to shed a lot of stuff that’s not contributing. Other processes...
I talk about my musician friends a lot. They’ve all got great stories.
One friend was 14 when he came home from school and discovered a used guitar on his bed. His mom got it for $100 at a garage sale.
He started picking it up, just because he liked it. At a friend’s house he found a chart of guitar chords. He stayed upstairs practicing with the chart into the night.
He started to learn songs by his favorite bands.
It just came easier than piano lessons, his first music experience. Guitar was a way to show off. It was portable.
He played in bands in high school and college. He’d take the guitar wherever he went, throughout his early 20s.
Now something else he loved was booze. Music and booze became like a married couple in his life. The sacred and the profane, the saint and the sinner, good and evil. He...
One of my favorite folk stories is the tale of the prisoner.
It begins with a man in a dungeon, sitting in a cell during the Middle Ages.
It’s cold and bare, and nothing happens there except for the daily appearance of a prison guard.
The guard is massive, like a brick house. He says nothing to the prisoner, just stares and slides bread and water under the jail door.
Twenty years of this go by.
The prisoner becomes desperate, beyond exasperation. Things have to change, there’s no choice anymore.
He doesn’t want to live like this anymore. He can’t kill himself, so he decides to attack the enormous guard. That would provide the same outcome.
He prepares for the guard’s next appearance, examining the door. He tests the handle.
The door opens.
He’s astonished. He steps into...
I have a friend who’s pushing right now, really pushing.
He’s uncomfortable. But he wants freedom.
He’s taking uncomfortable actions.
So, do you know any pushers right now? Are you pushing for freedom?
Sometimes I think the toughest and strangest thing about pushing is that you’re pushing into the unknown.
The truly unknown. To break free and to SOAR. Even if you don’t know where!
Otherwise it wouldn’t be pushing, right?
You’re pushing past your experience. Past your limits, your borders, your comfort zone, and past all those other avenues that didn’t work out.
Inspiration is the reason. You know how that feels.
But inspiration’s weird.
Inspiration’s like a friend that grabs your arm and jerks you excitedly, smiling all along.
And you look up, and see you’re...
When exactly is the beginning?
When did you fall in love with that special person?
When did you first notice them?
When did you first notice that music you love? That artist you admire?
When did you start your career?
Action is critical, but before the action comes the idea.
Now, I couldn’t even guess how many ideas I’ve forgotten altogether. Even great ideas sometimes just move along, gone unless we take a deliberate note of them.
Some ideas, though, are different.
They return whether you choose them or not. They haunt, they nag. They stand up and wave while watching something inspirational.
Let’s talk about those ideas.
What’s the most curious idea you have right now?
The one with some real sugar on it.
I bet it comes with instructions.
What’s the first instruction?
Maybe something uncomfortable....
Would you like to keep yourself in the know of all things Live Your ROAR, classes, online courses, sessions and more?